No one should be condoned for handling things the way they do. Some are born, and raised, with different mentalities. Coming from a long line of Italian background, we tend to worry a lot as most European families do. They say though, and it is a good catchy phrase, that "always look at your glass as half full, and not half empty".
Depending on whats happening in our lives, be it a nasty divorce, health issues resulting in terminal illness, or financial hardships, the only thing I can say, is, don't hesitate to seek help. By that I don't just mean, employee assisted programs, or professional aid, but also having some enduring friends and family around you.
Now when dealing with health issues, well, that seems to be a whole other scenario. We always wish and pray, we could take the illness or sickness away, like Cancer for instance. Or lend support to someone who's recovering from a life threatening heart attack, or surgery. We can lend support by being there for them. Sending positive vibes, and making them feel wanted and needed. It's difficult to turn off the old "worry switch"... It is not a light bulb, or something that is easily removed.
With family and friends with cancer or any terminal illness, there are so many ways, we can be there for them. Going with them or driving them to treatments. Taking walks with them, on good days, or holding their hands through the hard days. Helping seniors with dementia and Alzheimer's be there for them, and make them feel wanted. Doing activities that they may enjoy, taking them for a road trip. We have the means, it's finding the time for most of us. Putting our own needs aside, to help others, is the greatest sacrifice.
When we are going through dark times, the only thing we see, is this dark cloud per say, or dark tunnel, as some have described it. There is never the right thing to say, and some find it difficult to discuss things. Give people space. Make them know they are wanted, and you are there for them, but be diligent in knowing, that sometimes, like grief, people just need space. Others like people around them all the time, it helps the "feel good" hormones, travel through our bodies.
Many of us have gone through either a nasty divorce, or a custody battle for our children, and can only see the dark side. Be supportive, but sometimes with sensitive issues, of love, family and children, the ultimate choice is there's and we can only lend support. That might mean keeping our opinions to ourselves. In the grand scheme of things, it usually, through grueling times, works itself out.
Friends and family, no matter what we are going through, even a dark cloud, has some silver lining through it to help guide us. It's easier said then done, and people should not pass judgement on others, if they're struggling to see your side of it, or the positive one. You can only be there, and say your peace, and work from there. Seeing a family member, or friend going through this tough time can be heart wrenching, but all and all, you know you're there for them.
Financial struggles, are always difficult times also. We tend to have too much pride, to ever ask for help or aid. But the little things you do , go along way. Even if it's buying an item of clothing, or groceries, or a dinner outing. Many of us have too much pride to ever ask family and/or friends to help out in these times of need. It's always the smallest gestures, and the ones you do without notice, that matter the most. Again, it's a time that you don't ever pass judgement. You make sure that someone is going to be okay, and re assure them. Out of work, help them hook up somewhere, make a referral, anything.
There are so many resources now a day out there. Support groups, for families dealing with alcoholics, drug addictions, divorces, and children services etc. But again, some friends and family may not want to seek that venue, so you can only suggest, and after that just be there.
It's all in how we handle the news also. Sometimes it takes weeks, months, or longer, to see the light or positive side of say, a terminal diagnosis. There is no time frame, and by God, don't tell someone, to get over it. Yes we all go through tough times, but people matter to others in different ways. It might be a friend to you, but is a sibling, or parent to another. I've been told many a times, to push the cloud away, but at time your going through this, its difficult. I have always sought refuge in prayer, but others may not. And that's fine too. We all again, as in many of my blogs, suggested, we all have our religions and beliefs. You don't have to be of any background to want to pray.
The smallest gesture of kindness, and reassurance, sometimes , is all one needs. Many times, you need hard love. And that can be difficult, but in reality, everyone means well, but is hoping you seek quick resolution, and so they tend to be tougher on you. With matters of the heart, it's always a difficult choice. Whether it's a custody battle, divorce, bad breakup or separation (adultery/affair), matters of the heart, play a whole different ball game, in the healing process.
Like anything, we go through stages. The initial shock of losing a loved one, a terminal diagnosis, news of an affair, there is the stages we go through. There is even stages in the healing process. And again, please remember, there is no time line, so do what you know best, and be there for everyone. It comes back to you in ten folds. Don't let Karma get the best of you. Be there always, and help a family member in need or a friend, in anyway you know best.
Happy Thanksgiving to our American family and friends today. May you all enjoy must love, happiness, good health, and many blessings. It's the start of a busy time of year for us all.
Help one another, be there for one another, and remember, it's better to give of yourself, then to receive.
Love you all, Miss "B"
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