Grieving .... Is there ever a timeline for this? How long is too long ?

 

 

The topic of Grief, seems to send everyone in different directions.  Some don't wish to talk about it, but it's something we all go through along our life span.  Unfortunately, more than once, for most of us.  There are never enough words we can say or tell someone who is going through this awful time.

For someone to actually tell you, that it's been too long, and you should be over it.  You never are.  In time, you learn to deal with it differently, but you never fill the void, and you never get over it.  It's not a disease, or a condition, or something that just passes like a light switch in a house.

 

It is not death or pain that is to be dreaded, but the fear of pain or death.
- Epictetus

 

Certain memories, come flashing back to you, and you can't help but miss them even more.  Whether it's your parents, a sibling, a child, which is astronomical and tragic, you just don't get over it.  So don't offend someone, and say that to him.  Be there for them during the whole process.  Some of us wish to mention things from time to time, a word spoken, an antic or joke they used to make, and that's their way of dealing with the loss.

 

Those we love don't go away,
They walk beside us every day,
Unseen, unheard, but always near,
Still loved, still missed and very dear.
- Anonymous

 

The thought of grieving over a lost child, would be the ultimate heartache, that any of us could bare as parents.  We always want to outlive our children, and be gone before them.  Unfortunately, sickness has no age.  Young children get struck with diseases as harmful and fatal as adults, like Cancer per say.  The trial and tribulations of just going through all the sickness portion, is more than we can handle, let alone the final saying good bye.  We learn in life to cope.  Coping skills come in different venues.  Some seek outside help, some just support from the inner circle.  Some of us prefer to deal with it on our own, and not talk about it at all.

 

However you chose, and however long it takes you, don't feel bad at all.  Don't feel a pressure from society, that a certain time frame is needed for grieving.  There is none.  There is more of a process, that you go through.  Almost like stages.  Always from the initial shock, if it was sudden, to knowing the sickness is taking over, and it's only time and he/she will be leaving this world.  Whatever the case may be, remember that there is things you can do to help see you through.  Life will still go on around us.  You want, at that time of grief, to STOP!... for you and for everyone.  You want the world to come to stand still, because your world was turned upside down. 

 

 

When we lose both our parents, it's been said, time and time again, you actually have a deep hollow feeling of being an orphan.  They are both gone, and you try and struggle to remember many memories, to keep them alive, and never forget.  For some, coming from a small family, losing a sibling, a brother or sister, and only have the one, is a worse feeling, like losing your BF.  Depending on the relationship you have had all your life.  With some of our families, being quite large in size, it's even worse, because you feel like you're always in survival mode, because it seems someone is always passing.  It seems you bump into family over and over again, especially with aging family, aunts and uncles, friends of parents, etc.  Weddings and funerals they say, is when we end up seeing folks, we haven't in so long.

 

I prefer these days, that more and more folks, are doing Celebrations of Life.  And that they are limiting their viewings to one, instead of two days, four viewings etc.  It used to be the norm, at one time, because family had to come and arrive from over seas, and you had to drag out funeral for days on end.  So hard on the family grieving.  Now things are more condensed, and some, don't even chose to have a funeral, but a celebration of sorts.  And I think it's wonderful.  It should not be all about the sadness of your loss, but at a time when they have now moved on, to celebrate the life they had with everyone here on earth.  A time to bring back memories and reminisce and share some good laughs.

 

Coping with the loss of someone or something you love is one of life’s biggest challenges. Often, the pain of loss can feel overwhelming. We experience all kinds of difficult and unexpected emotions. From shock or anger to disbelief, guilt, and profound sadness. The pain of grief can also disrupt your physical health, making it difficult to sleep, eat, or even think straight. These are normal reactions to a significant loss.  There is no right or wrong way to grieve.  There are healthy ways to cope with the pain that, in time, can ease your sadness.   Time can help you come to terms with your loss.   

We all need to find new meaning and to  move on.  As difficult as it seems at the time.   Of course, any type of loss can cause grieving.  A bad divorce, or relationship breakup, loss of health, or losing a job.  Financial instability, and/or a miscarriage.  Sometimes even retirement.  A death or passing of a pet, or even a friendship. 

 

The worst of all for most, seems to be death.  Be it a human or Pet.  It's difficult to move on from the loss, but again, we have no choice in life.  A loss can bring much anxiety and depression.  Many funeral homes, and EAP's etc., have services to help you get through this difficult time. 

 

The circle of life is what it is, a circle.  We come into this world, and with no escape of leaving it alive.  So , they say, the sooner we come to terms with it, the better of we are, in handling these things as they come.  So on a bright note, be there for someone always.  During these trial times, and even beyond the days ahead of them.  Problem is, most of us can't comfort a survivor, during their recent death.  Never enough words we can say, that don't sound generic

 

It's a topic, again, we try to avoid, but it's part of life.  So make someone smile today, that is going through rough times, be it over grief for something.  Not necessarily the passing of anyone, but just due to whatever their struggle is that is causing life's grief. 

 

Love you all, Miss "B".................................