Tough, hard, and bad times... how do you see yourself through it ?

Everyone in his/her lifetime, encounters many bumps along the road.  Whether they are hard times, full of struggles, bad times, maybe due to health issues whatever the case maybe, we are known to react differently.

No one should be condoned for handling things the way they do.  Some are born, and raised, with different mentalities.  Coming from a long line of Italian background, we tend to worry a lot as most European families do.  They say though, and it is a good catchy phrase, that "always look at your glass as half full, and not half empty".

Depending on whats happening in our lives, be it a nasty divorce, health issues resulting in terminal illness, or financial hardships, the only thing I can say, is, don't hesitate to seek help.  By that I don't just mean, employee assisted programs, or professional aid, but also having some enduring friends and family around you.  

Now when dealing with health issues, well, that seems to be a whole other scenario.  We always wish and pray, we could take the illness or sickness away, like Cancer for instance.  Or lend support to someone who's recovering from a life threatening heart attack, or surgery.  We can lend support by being there for them.  Sending positive vibes, and making them feel wanted and needed.  It's difficult to turn off the old "worry switch"... It is not a light bulb, or something that is easily removed.

With family and friends with cancer or any terminal illness, there are so many ways, we can be there for them.  Going with them or driving them to treatments.  Taking walks with them, on good days, or holding their hands through the hard days.  Helping seniors with dementia and Alzheimer's be there for them, and make them feel wanted.  Doing activities that they may enjoy, taking them for a road trip.  We have the means, it's finding the time for most of us.  Putting our own needs aside, to help others, is the greatest sacrifice.

When we are going through dark times, the only thing we see, is this dark cloud per say, or dark tunnel, as some have described it.  There is never the right thing to say, and some find it difficult to discuss things.  Give people space.  Make them know they are wanted, and you are there for them, but be diligent in knowing, that sometimes, like grief, people just need space.  Others like people around them all the time, it helps the "feel good" hormones, travel through our bodies.

Many of us have gone through either a nasty divorce, or a custody battle for our children, and can only see the dark side.  Be supportive, but sometimes with sensitive issues, of love, family and children, the ultimate choice is there's and we can only lend support.  That might mean keeping our opinions to ourselves.  In the grand scheme of things, it usually, through grueling times, works itself out.  

Friends and family, no matter what we are going through, even a dark cloud, has some silver lining through it to help guide us.  It's easier said then done, and people should not pass judgement on others, if they're struggling to see your side of it, or the positive one.  You can only be there, and say your peace, and work from there.  Seeing a family member, or friend going through this tough time can be heart wrenching, but all and all, you know you're there for them.  

Financial struggles, are always difficult times also.  We tend to have too much pride, to ever ask for help or aid.  But the little things you do , go along way.  Even if it's buying an item of clothing, or groceries, or a dinner outing.  Many of us have too much pride to ever ask family and/or friends to help out in these times of need.  It's always the smallest gestures, and the ones you do without notice, that matter the most.  Again, it's a time that you don't ever pass judgement.  You make sure that someone is going to be okay, and re assure them.  Out of work, help them hook up somewhere, make a referral, anything.  

There are so many resources now a day out there.  Support groups, for families dealing with alcoholics, drug addictions, divorces, and children services etc.  But again, some friends and family may not want to seek that venue, so you can only suggest, and after that just be there.  

It's all in how we handle the news also.  Sometimes it takes weeks, months, or longer, to see the light or positive side of say, a terminal diagnosis.  There is no time frame, and by God, don't tell someone, to get over it.  Yes we all go through tough times, but people matter to others in different ways.  It might be a friend to you, but is a sibling, or parent to another.  I've been told many a times, to push the cloud away, but at time your going through this, its difficult.  I have always sought refuge in prayer, but others may not.  And that's fine too.  We all again, as in many of my blogs, suggested, we all have our religions and beliefs.  You don't have to be of any background to want to pray.  

The smallest gesture of kindness, and reassurance, sometimes , is all one needs.  Many times, you need hard love.  And that can be difficult, but in reality, everyone means well, but is hoping you seek quick resolution, and so they tend to be tougher on you.  With matters of the heart, it's always a difficult choice.  Whether it's a custody battle, divorce, bad breakup or separation (adultery/affair), matters of the heart, play a whole different ball game, in the healing process.  

Like anything, we go through stages.  The initial shock of losing a loved one, a terminal diagnosis, news of an affair, there is the stages we go through.  There is even stages in the healing process.  And again, please remember, there is no time line, so do what you know best, and be there for everyone.  It comes back to you in ten folds.  Don't let Karma get the best of you.  Be there always, and help a family member in need or a friend, in anyway you know best.

Happy Thanksgiving to our American family and friends today.  May you all enjoy must love, happiness, good health, and many blessings.  It's the start of a busy time of year for us all.
Help one another, be there for one another, and remember, it's better to give of yourself, then to receive.

Love you all, Miss "B"

Please feel free to share my Blog on your news feeds :) xo 

Busiest holiday, and religious season upon us....

Well now that Remembrance/Veteran's Day has passed, many of us are now focusing on the upcoming Christmas season.

Many of us start as early as the summer, and some at this point, even have it all done. And so the hustle and bustle of the season begins.  With the holidays fast approaching, already you hear people saying how stressful Christmas is, and all the work involved.  Planning meals, the gift shopping, and the visiting etc.

But does it have to be?  Or have we just become a society, that has blown every holiday into more than it should be.  As we get older, we find, that we don't enjoy it as much, and it truly shouldn't be that way.

Life was so much simpler and our demands were not so far fetched.  Yes things were less expensive, but whatever happened to "it's the thought that counts".  Whether our families are big or small, there needs to be some compromise.  Simplify our lives.  There is no need for the holiday season, to be a stressful time. 

As a child growing up in an Italian family, our main focus was always the meal prep.  Even that over the years, family members made sure that we shared that deed.  No reason, why a mother has to spend weeks before the holidays preparing all this food, for one meal.  Eventually, after much convincing, we ended up doing more of a "potlock" meal.  Brought our favourite dishes, or made whatever, she didn't need to make.

Now there's the mall thing.  I for one, try to avoid them like the plague.  People change.  You venture to  the shopping malls at the Christmas season, and people just get ugly.  If it's not a fight for a close parking spot.  It's the line ups, and the battle for the sale items, that makes us crazy.

You need to figure out , how to make it easier for yourself, and a happier time of year.  Many of us, of Christianity, or religious backgrounds, like to keep the church and faith during this time, to make it about what the season to us, truly is about.

Whether it's about Santa Claus, or the birth of Christ, you need to stay focused on simplifying life, and making it about you and your loved ones and family/friends.  Taking the time for visiting a loved one who's been hospitalized.  Instead of buying gifts for members of your family, who truly don't need anything, adopt a family, and sponsor them for the Christmas season.  Find out from any organization, what you can do to make a difference.

Yes!  A season for giving and receiving, but honestly, if we have been blessed with all we need, then focus on giving.  Make it about baking cookies with a friend or someone you know who can't, or doesn't have the means.  Visit a nursing home or LTC, just to make a seniors life happier. 

Make a change, be the one to open our next generations eyes, and let them know Christmas is every day of the year of our lives, and that, when the actual holiday arrives, make it about someone in need.

Take care, and enjoy the upcoming weeks, and don't let them stress you from now.

Love you all , Miss "B".

Remembrance Day .... 100 years and a day to be recognized...

Although this blog will be short and sweet, it is something to be said and reminded to you all.

Remembering our fallen soldiers and all that served from the Wars fought.  This year, a 100 year of recognition to all that served.  The men and women that gave up their lives for us to have all this freedom we share in this great land.

Canada has had it's trials and tribulations, but I still believe in my heart, that is the greatest country on this planet.  For many many reasons.  

But for present generations, and the ones to come, I feel that it should be instilled more.  It is a part of our history that should not be lost.  I feel like just wearing a poppy, is not enough.  At a school level, I know the teachers keep this alive.  The importance of informing these students, that the freedom they have, the country they live in, was fought and protected by a special group of people.  Men and women that were every day folks, like ourselves, that served our country and ultimately the greatest of all sacrifices, their lives.  That left the comforts of their homes, and families, without knowing they would ever come home.

The Wars they fought, brought us to where we are today.  A country of much freedom and prosperity.  The struggles will always be there.  But we are built on a Nation of people from all ends of the earth, with immigrants that fled their countries to be in ours, and of course, our Indigenous Native.

There will always be racism, unfortunately, a battle we try and fight, day to day.  Respect and values we teach our children, to love one another as Canadians, no matter what heritage or background we are. 

Canada has been blessed to have much culture in it's society.  It has opened it's immigration gates, many times over the past 100 years.  Many of us, had grandparents, and great grandparents, or aunts and uncles etc., that fought in this war of wars.  Today, our present military keeps and protects our lands and our freedom.  When you see your Military around town, be it our local armories, take the time to say thank you to these kids, that are wanting to make a difference.  The way this world is going these days, a War could transpire anytime.  There are world leaders, that are leaving us uneasy on different issues, and we pray that our children and generations to come, never have to experience it.

After 100 years, our weapons of mass destruction, are not just guns and grenades.  Our now so weapons of mass destruction, would end the world as we know it.  From bombs of larger mass destruction, to a nuclear war, we want to keep world peace now a days.  

On November 11th, take the time to remember.  Attend a memorial celebration if possible, or watch it with your kids on television.  Either way, keep the communication lines open, and let our generations now and in the future, always keep the line of respect.

Wear your poppy and donate to our war Veterans.  Many of these men and women that survived, did suffer from all the anguish and heartache, of what they went through and with PTSD.  

So this year 2018, it's our 100th anniversary date.  The war of 1918 ended some time between August and November.  There really never before, been such a conflict.  A nation of 8,000,000 people, Canada's war efforts were remarkable.  WE had more than 650,000 women and men from Canada served Newfoundland.... more than 66,000 gave their lives, and over 172,000 were wounded.

So we know for a fact, there was immense sacrifice that lead our great country to this Peace Treaty.  Canada has truly achieved great nation status.

O'Canada, our home and native land !!!! God keep our land, glorious and  FREE !!

So let's remember, and take the time on November 11th.  From our East coast to the West, and from Northern provinces to the South, let's give thanks !

Love you all, Miss "B"

Grieving .... Is there ever a timeline for this? How long is too long ?

 

 

The topic of Grief, seems to send everyone in different directions.  Some don't wish to talk about it, but it's something we all go through along our life span.  Unfortunately, more than once, for most of us.  There are never enough words we can say or tell someone who is going through this awful time.

For someone to actually tell you, that it's been too long, and you should be over it.  You never are.  In time, you learn to deal with it differently, but you never fill the void, and you never get over it.  It's not a disease, or a condition, or something that just passes like a light switch in a house.

 

It is not death or pain that is to be dreaded, but the fear of pain or death.
- Epictetus

 

Certain memories, come flashing back to you, and you can't help but miss them even more.  Whether it's your parents, a sibling, a child, which is astronomical and tragic, you just don't get over it.  So don't offend someone, and say that to him.  Be there for them during the whole process.  Some of us wish to mention things from time to time, a word spoken, an antic or joke they used to make, and that's their way of dealing with the loss.

 

Those we love don't go away,
They walk beside us every day,
Unseen, unheard, but always near,
Still loved, still missed and very dear.
- Anonymous

 

The thought of grieving over a lost child, would be the ultimate heartache, that any of us could bare as parents.  We always want to outlive our children, and be gone before them.  Unfortunately, sickness has no age.  Young children get struck with diseases as harmful and fatal as adults, like Cancer per say.  The trial and tribulations of just going through all the sickness portion, is more than we can handle, let alone the final saying good bye.  We learn in life to cope.  Coping skills come in different venues.  Some seek outside help, some just support from the inner circle.  Some of us prefer to deal with it on our own, and not talk about it at all.

 

However you chose, and however long it takes you, don't feel bad at all.  Don't feel a pressure from society, that a certain time frame is needed for grieving.  There is none.  There is more of a process, that you go through.  Almost like stages.  Always from the initial shock, if it was sudden, to knowing the sickness is taking over, and it's only time and he/she will be leaving this world.  Whatever the case may be, remember that there is things you can do to help see you through.  Life will still go on around us.  You want, at that time of grief, to STOP!... for you and for everyone.  You want the world to come to stand still, because your world was turned upside down. 

 

 

When we lose both our parents, it's been said, time and time again, you actually have a deep hollow feeling of being an orphan.  They are both gone, and you try and struggle to remember many memories, to keep them alive, and never forget.  For some, coming from a small family, losing a sibling, a brother or sister, and only have the one, is a worse feeling, like losing your BF.  Depending on the relationship you have had all your life.  With some of our families, being quite large in size, it's even worse, because you feel like you're always in survival mode, because it seems someone is always passing.  It seems you bump into family over and over again, especially with aging family, aunts and uncles, friends of parents, etc.  Weddings and funerals they say, is when we end up seeing folks, we haven't in so long.

 

I prefer these days, that more and more folks, are doing Celebrations of Life.  And that they are limiting their viewings to one, instead of two days, four viewings etc.  It used to be the norm, at one time, because family had to come and arrive from over seas, and you had to drag out funeral for days on end.  So hard on the family grieving.  Now things are more condensed, and some, don't even chose to have a funeral, but a celebration of sorts.  And I think it's wonderful.  It should not be all about the sadness of your loss, but at a time when they have now moved on, to celebrate the life they had with everyone here on earth.  A time to bring back memories and reminisce and share some good laughs.

 

Coping with the loss of someone or something you love is one of life’s biggest challenges. Often, the pain of loss can feel overwhelming. We experience all kinds of difficult and unexpected emotions. From shock or anger to disbelief, guilt, and profound sadness. The pain of grief can also disrupt your physical health, making it difficult to sleep, eat, or even think straight. These are normal reactions to a significant loss.  There is no right or wrong way to grieve.  There are healthy ways to cope with the pain that, in time, can ease your sadness.   Time can help you come to terms with your loss.   

We all need to find new meaning and to  move on.  As difficult as it seems at the time.   Of course, any type of loss can cause grieving.  A bad divorce, or relationship breakup, loss of health, or losing a job.  Financial instability, and/or a miscarriage.  Sometimes even retirement.  A death or passing of a pet, or even a friendship. 

 

The worst of all for most, seems to be death.  Be it a human or Pet.  It's difficult to move on from the loss, but again, we have no choice in life.  A loss can bring much anxiety and depression.  Many funeral homes, and EAP's etc., have services to help you get through this difficult time. 

 

The circle of life is what it is, a circle.  We come into this world, and with no escape of leaving it alive.  So , they say, the sooner we come to terms with it, the better of we are, in handling these things as they come.  So on a bright note, be there for someone always.  During these trial times, and even beyond the days ahead of them.  Problem is, most of us can't comfort a survivor, during their recent death.  Never enough words we can say, that don't sound generic

 

It's a topic, again, we try to avoid, but it's part of life.  So make someone smile today, that is going through rough times, be it over grief for something.  Not necessarily the passing of anyone, but just due to whatever their struggle is that is causing life's grief. 

 

Love you all, Miss "B".................................